ScissorX's blog

I'm still working on Part 2 of my series on meeting men at the gym. I recently ordered some wrestling t-shirts and I'm going to put them to the test to see if they lead to more wrestling meetups. I'll make sure to include an update on the results in the next article.

So, let's say you haven't worked up the courage to approach someone yet, but it's your lucky day and they come up to you instead. Now what? These tips also apply to what you shouldn't do if you're the one making the approach.

While I can't generalize, these tips are based on my own perspective and from conversations with other people I know.

Acknowledge the Courage First and foremost, it takes a lot of guts to approach someone. So when it happens to you, make it clear that the other guy didn't make a bad decision. Don't just stand there and stare at him blankly, or stay glued to your phone. Be open to a little chat. If you find this difficult, it's a great opportunity to work on your social skills. Don't make him carry the entire conversation. Contribute, listen, and don't interrupt. You'll know when it's your turn to talk.

The Unwritten Rules of the Conversation
It's not just what you say, it's how you act. Nobody else needs to hear that you got approached. Talking loudly can make the other person feel like they're being put on the spot, even if everyone is minding their own business. It's a simple act of courtesy, so keep your voice down and keep the conversation between the two of you.

Leave the Heavy Stuff Out
You should also leave all the heavy topics out of the conversation. That means no talk about your philosophies, political views, or negative past experiences or relationships. Bringing up these topics can be annoying and could make the other person feel like you're criticizing them, especially if they have a different view. For example, this isn't the time to debate whether creatine is good for you or to complain about people not having proper gym etiquette. Save these things for a real friendship, which will take at least three months of seeing each other regularly. The first few times you talk should be light and fun. I can't tell you how many guys I've walked away from after a first conversation because they immediately hit me with a 30-minute story about their life views or how great they were back in the day.

For example, if you get approached and the first thing you talk about is how you used to be in better shape, or that people call you "the beast," or your detailed training program, you'll come across as insecure, annoying, or even arrogant. I’ve noticed that most men who do this are over 40. Don’t be one of them.

What to Actually Say
If you're wondering what to talk about, you could always ask them how long they've been into fitness or how they got started, and then answer the same questions yourself. Based on that, you can feel out the flow and continue the conversation from there.

The Friendly Escape
What if you're approached by someone you'd rather not talk to? Just stay friendly and engage in a short chat. Then, in a polite tone, you can simply say, "I'm going to get back to my training now." There's no reason to embarrass the person who had the courage to approach you. This could also be you, and it's a good reminder to treat others the way you'd want to be treated. Besides, you never know when you might need help with something in the gym, and that person could be the only one around.

Ultimately, being charming and considerate is a simple way to make the gym a more welcoming place for everyone.