Chokedup40's blog
2025-08-25
Right, where do I start with this!
I've been on and off wrestling sights for years, way back in the globalglfight days! And I love wrestling, it's a huge passion of mine and I've met some great guys/friends.
However over the past few years, I have been suffering with depression and anxiety, I will go through bouts of being overcome with sadness, and not wanting to do anything, or see anyone, cutting myself off from family, having morbid and dangerous thoughts. it's ruined friendships for me, as I've just closed myself off and backed away, often times feelings of not being good enough and that no one wants my friendship anyway, then getting anxiety as I feel I've left it too late to contact them when I do feel up to it.
This problem had also found its way onto my connections on meetfighters, cancelling meet ups and stopped corresponding with people, through a mix of fear of rejection, amd my depression taking over. Approaching 40 is not helping at the moment, it sometimes makes me feel worse, even though I'm told all the time age is just a number
I'm finally getting some help now though, and am seeing a therapist in the hopes it will help me feel better, and build my confidence back up, I used to judge an ex of mine in the past for battling depression and now it's happening to me, I can see where he was coming from, have reached out to apologise to him, and he's doing great now
I'm not writing this for sympathy, just in the hopes by writing it all down and getting it out, it will lift a huge burden off my shoulders
Lastly to any guy on this site, who I've cancelled a meet, or gone quiet, I'm truly sorry, and know that I'm now getting the help that I need
Barraboy (14)
8/25/2025 9:46 PMHello, mate.
Every journey starts with a first step. You've already started yours by writing how you feel about your depression.
I'm sure that every guy on here wishes you well.
Remember that you're not alone and that there are people out there that can help you with your anxiety
All the best.
Bearhugs xo
Carl
Strengthtest2025 (3)
8/26/2025 12:19 AMHey sending you strength to grip on to till you're feeling your own again. You sound a brave and sensitive fella to articulate how vulnerable you feel and how it can affect you. Message if you need to talk. We are all men and we can all hurt. Keeo sharing that pain when you need to.
Peter Hughes (72 )
8/26/2025 3:37 AMSending you positive thoughts from across the pond. Gay men in particular are vulnerable to depression for a host of reasons; I sometimes have what Sir Winston Churchill used to call his "black dog days." Trust me - you are not alone in this, buddy. Seeing a therapist is a good first step in battling it.
I will be in England in mid-December to shoot some wrestling videos, and I hope our paths will cross if possible. Even if you only want to talk, I'll be a willing listener.
Merseywrestle (63 )
8/26/2025 5:35 AMI have suffered from chronic depression for the majority of my life, will lt ever go away - no, can you ever live with it - yes. They call it 'the black dog' well you can teach it to heel.
Suburbanwrestler (0)
8/26/2025 3:54 PMDepression is not your fault and any poor decision making on your part because of the depression is not your fault either. Recognizing there is an issue and taking the steps to get help is difficult but you show your bravery and wrestler never give up mentality by doing so. I applaud you and wish you strength and endurance through your recovery. Good things are in your future and trust me, posting your thoughts as you have done, serves to help others. Good luck wrestling brother....you got this. 💪
WW (16)
8/27/2025 1:40 PMPlease don't worry. There is always a next time
Boxer109 (2 )
8/28/2025 5:17 AMI agree that the disappointment really can bring you down. This is easy for me to say, but coping with some depr ession symptoms of my own, try to NOT let these meetups ruin your plans. Have a backup idea, in case the person backs out, in order to minimize the disappointment. ... I have had mostly negative experiences (i.e., beaten down or, basically, assaulted), and I am asserting myself more to state clearly, in advance, what are my expectations. I also insist that my opponents / partners reply well in advance. Thus, if they need to cancel or will no-show, that I am not left hanging. My pet peeve is driving hundreds of miles to a meet, only to have the opponent back out at the last minute. Learn to read between the lines. If you perceive any hesitation or "too good to be true" responses, explain that you are unwilling to meet if the person (who lives in that area) leads you on.
AnvilTheTinyTank (83 )
8/29/2025 6:12 AMWish I could give you a big bearhugs and a long constricting choke hold and vice versa buddy. Hopefully one day we could meet and make it happen. I still remember all the fun chats we had since back in covid lockdown days. Stay strong my friend.🤗