Chokedup40's blog

Right, where do I start with this! 

I've been on and off wrestling sights for years, way back in the globalglfight days! And I love wrestling, it's a huge passion of mine and I've met some great guys/friends.

However over the past few years, I have been suffering with depression and anxiety, I will go through bouts of being overcome with sadness, and not wanting to do anything, or see anyone, cutting myself off from family, having morbid and dangerous thoughts. it's ruined friendships for me, as I've just closed myself off and backed away, often times feelings of not being good enough and that no one wants my friendship anyway, then getting anxiety as I feel I've left it too late to contact them when I do feel up to it.

This problem had also found its way onto my connections on meetfighters, cancelling meet ups and stopped corresponding with people, through a mix of fear of rejection, amd my depression taking over. Approaching 40 is not helping at the moment, it sometimes makes me feel worse, even though I'm told all the time age is just a number

I'm finally getting some help now though, and am seeing a therapist in the hopes it will help me feel better, and build my confidence back up, I used to judge an ex of mine in the past for battling depression and now it's happening to me, I can see where he was coming from, have reached out to apologise to him, and he's doing great now

I'm not writing this for sympathy, just in the hopes by writing it all down and getting it out, it will lift a huge burden off my shoulders 

Lastly to any guy on this site, who I've cancelled a meet, or gone quiet, I'm truly sorry, and know that I'm now getting the help that I need