RhodyRaybo's blog
My Experiences with Rejection and My Advice on it.
I recently read a blog about rejection. The wrestler made some good points, but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents here. Despite my long list of opponents, extensive experience and knowledge, and my glowing reviews, which I don't always deserve, I actually experience rejection all the time, more often than not for that matter. And seeing that I've been doing this for 14 years, I can break it down to a handful of common reasons.
Probably the most common reason I get rejected or put on hold is the old "I don't have time" response. There are many reasons for this. Often it's work. Often it's lack of opportunities to get away from their significant other who doesn't know about their wrestling. Often it's family. Now regarding family, I understand when someone has children or other people that require constant care, but when family seems to dictate their every move, it's time to admit, it's not gonna happen. I had one former wrestling partner that I saw a handful of times who had family constantly keeping him busy. He was single, and yet he couldn't tell his siblings or his parents that he had plans, they all lived near each other. I would get "my nephew has a game", "my niece's birthday (that one I get, but it seemed there was a birthday every other weekend with him), or one time he kept telling me he was coming, then an hour before I get a message "my mom wants me to take her shopping, I can't make it" While I loved this guy and did manage to get probably a dozen matches with him over a 6 year period, it just became too frustrating. The advice I would give here, don't take it personally. It's not you, it's him.
Another reason I get a lot of rejections is safety concerns, and this is in 2 categories. The first is physical safety. I get it, I'm a big boy. I take Jui Jitsu, I've been wrestling hard for 14 years. I'm strong. I'm intimidating. The way I handle this is that I do everything to assure that I am not out for blood nor am I out to injure anyone. I will wrestle as lightly or aggressively as they wish. I have one wrestler that I see every 2 or 3 months whom I've been coaching, but I enjoy getting "playful" with him. (you can use your imagination with that). I make it clear to him that nothing happens without his say so. I always remind him that he has full veto power over anything I do to him. He has yet to exercise that power. The other safety concern is privacy. The wrestlers want full privacy when coming over...and I do everything to preserve that. You see, I'm married to a wonderful woman who knows I wrestle and is respectful of my needs. I bring guys into my basement through a separate door. My wife and grown sons NEVER meet or see the guys who come over, nor do they want to. I lock the door behind us, but keep my phone handy in case the family needs me for something, which very seldom has happened. But despite everything I've done to ensure privacy, many are not convinced and take a pass on coming to my basement. Again, I don't take it personally, but I do try to encourage them to check things out in my basement. Diplomacy is everything here.
I have also encountered some pretty frivolous reasons for not meeting. This one gets to me.... I call it the "fresh meat" syndrome. There have been guys over the years that I have wrestled with once or maybe more than once. When trying to set up other matches with them, often I'll get the "let me get back to you" response. They seldom do. But now we have these notifications here on MF telling us when a past opponent or someone we're following has met up with someone else. There have been times that I have been trying to set up something with someone I've met in the past, then I see that with all the "I'm busy" or "let me get back to you", they managed to find time to meet with someone else. Usually in cases like that it's someone new to them...thus the "fresh meat". Often guys prefer to wrestle NEW opponents then take the "one and done" approach. Is that frustrating? Yes. Do I take it personally? Sometimes. Recently I met up with an adorable young man from Boston who came down to my area for a morning to wrestle on my mats. Now a few days later I heard from a past opponent that I knew was still active, but not responding to my messages, and we wrestled numerous times years ago. This opponent was asking about the young man I just met. I got concerned that he was only contacting me to get to him. I expressed my concern, he expressed his, and I had to reassure him that he need not be concerned. He said we will plan something. It still hasn't happened yet, but I was away and busy myself so I just sent him a followup message this morning. We'll see what happens. But the "fresh meat" means they only only want wrestlers new to them...you could also think of it as "shiny new toy". Come on guys, let's wrestle and bond and build relationships. You'll be glad you did.
My final reason that I don't like going into is me not agreeing to be sexual enough. I intentionally keep my profile at a PG rating for safety reasons. I try to let guys know that there are things I enjoy in a match that I don't list on my profile. While I do have boundaries, they have expanded over the years. Also, I am always respectful of other guys' boundaries. But I will say, that if someone wants me to just wrestle with full gear on and go to their house over an hour away....I actually can get the same experience at Jui Jitsu just 10 minutes from my house. If a guy wants to come to my house and strictly wrestle with no playfulness, I'm okay with that. But I do pick and choose where I travel to based on what the other guy wants in a match. I would say the way to deal with this is to communicate. Spell everything out in the messages you exchange or in the chat room.
I hope my experiences here will help others know that they are not alone in dealing with rejection and how to possibly persuade others to reconsider.
Peace out.
twisterman (48 )
7/11/2025 7:33 PMI can't read it due to the yellow font.
bobster (38)
7/11/2025 8:07 PMI truly wish I had written something like this blog. It covers most everything (except the age thing).
this was one of the best blogs I have seen posted on MeetFighters. Every word is true at least from my perspective and I wish it would be REQUIRED reading for one an all.
I am single and have a room set up for guys to come and wrestle even though I might not be taking part in the activity and yes they can go to the room and close the door. It seems to work for most all of the gents.
Keep up the great work here and this was a treat to read.
osakarob (118 )
7/11/2025 9:51 PMGreat blog post, sir! You did the MF community a solid service by writing it. Perfect tone that incorporated your experience with some gentle finger wagging/advice. Really nice work! 💪🏽
herb (42)
7/11/2025 10:33 PMCan’t see a thing? How are some of you able to see it and some of us can’t?
wstlguy (58)
7/12/2025 2:12 AM(In reply to this)
It displays best for me in "Dark mode". (Click on the down arrow by your profile circle in the upper right-hand corner of the MF window, and select Dark Mode.
Pennsypinner (66)
7/11/2025 10:50 PMCannot see a thing either, other than the title.
Pennsypinner (66)
7/11/2025 11:23 PM(In reply to this)
I can read it now. I touched it, a word turned black, and I hit select all, and allthe words,turned black and readable.
FullNelson2U (30)
7/11/2025 11:14 PMGuys, if you highlight the paragraphs.... you'll get a blue background with white font.
GREAT BLOG and totally on point!!!
Good for you, Rhody!!!
Would love to roll someday, btw!
Mainewrsl (49 )
7/11/2025 11:21 PMAbsolutely on point, Rhody. Bravo!
Pennsypinner (66)
7/11/2025 11:34 PMI understand the "fresh meat" syndrome, but I am more than happy to rematch my opponents. I have kept a log of my opponents and how many times I wrestled each one. Not bragging, but I have 66 opponents with a total of 158 matches....that tells you how much I rematch. Rematches are great....also, it says something positive if an opponent wants you again....it means they enjoyed the experience the first time, and want more. I want my opponents to want to meet me again. Of course I love wrestling new guys, but it is also great to form connections and rematch guys. I have been seven guys' first opponent on here, and I believe they all rematched. Wanted them to have a good first experience, and apparently they did....how do I know?....rematched. So, yes, bring me the "fresh meat", but also bring me my previous opponents as well. Both are welcome here.
Affamato (12)
7/12/2025 1:14 AMRhody is not only a great wrestler, he's also a wise man. He strikes a balanced, calm tone while addressing a much neglected topic: how do we handle rejection. So often, it's about the other guy and his limitations (whether legitimate or not), and not about us. Well done, Ray. I appreciate you sharing what you've come to know after years of being involved in this sport. Can't wait to meet u on the mats again...
herb (42)
7/12/2025 2:12 AMStill can’t see it but sounds like it is on point. Can someone do some magic and send it to me? If not no worries.
wrestler dj (186 )
7/12/2025 2:11 PMI concentrate on the many lovely MF guys that do like to meet for wrestling.
If somebody for whatever reason don’t want to meet, I respect their decision, accept it completely and never feel offended. Next!
NickNoMercy (0)
7/12/2025 4:41 PMIt hurts. No two ways about it, at least for me. There was this guy I was really into and tbh he wound up crushing me. We'd wrestle and meet up and watch movies and I'm ngl, I was crazy about him. He would call me or text late night and wanna talk about stuff and I was always really happy to see his name show up on my phone. He even suggested that we move in together and become roommates. Needless to say, I was on cloud 9.
We'd meet up and have these awesome fights. We drew each other's blood. We bonded through intense competition. We'd go to fights with each other and cheer then we'd go have some drinks (lol nonalcoholic!) on the tailgate of his truck under the stars. He had me. One night when we were on his tailgate, I got closer to him, and I was moving in for a kiss and then...bam...he stopped me and shut me down. I froze.
He got me back in his truck and drove me back to my place. I couldn't even look at him during the ride home and I couldn't even find words. He didn't talk to me either. He ghosted me after that and to this day, I don't know how I read him so wrong. I did the entire circuit. I constantly checked my phone, cried, got really mad. I threatened to hurt him. Everything.
It's like you said, it happens to everyone. I don't think rejection has a respect of persons. And while this was not a tale of immediate rejection, it was insidious and then sudden.
Halfcain46 (23)
7/13/2025 6:11 AMI’ve never really been offended if someone turns down a match offer from me. It is what it is. I’m also a big boy (though on a slim down after back injuries) and I do also practice jiu jitsu. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea ans im good with that. I know that sooner or later I’ll get a match and I will have fun, be a good opponent, and be sure to leave a nice comment in hopes my opponent gets more matches.
wrestle46 (8)
7/13/2025 8:04 AMGreat post.
If we are all getting things out on the table which is a great thing and If I can say, I actually think making is excusing is lying. I might let them do it once or possibly twice as I am wrestled starved, but when it starts to happen far more regularly it's a real problem. Yes finding wrestlers is extremely hard sometimes especially in Australia, but no way would I let someone keep making excuses that their heart really isn't in a wrestle with me or anyone else. And about their lying we can sort that out on the mat.
diamondcutter (42 )
7/13/2025 11:39 AMI feel your pain - I guess from a different angle in being judged / rejected for being a smaller guy presumed cant wrestle his way out of a paper bag. Also very hard to gauge who is actually interested, and so its turned me into a bit of a bystander waiting for someone else to make the first move, which isnt great either.
MuscChamp (221)
7/13/2025 6:24 PMBecause of the fact that MF (like all social media sites) does not require anyone to post any self-identifying information (face pic, SS#, address, etc.) every guy can "act out" any possible motive for rejecting you. It could be a noble motive or a perverse motive. If you engage on any social media site, you need to possess the personal maturity to expect this. RhodyRaybo articulated a few of these motives, but in fact, there are an infinite number of them. A brief encounter on MF does not give us enough insight into anyone's personality to fully understand their motives for rejecting you. With over 200 past opponents, I still get rejected all the time. It never bothers me. In fact, I appreciate it if the prospective past opponent responds quickly and directly. Saves me time! And while my age is still the primary reason for rejection, profile intimidation and "lack of sufficient mutual interest" are secondary ones. But there are an infinite number of others! Keep it as a hobby, and you'll be fine! Make it more central to your identity, and rejection will hurt.
diamondcutter (42 )
7/13/2025 6:46 PM(In reply to this)
Thanks for your advice (if that was to my comment).
MuscChamp (221)
7/13/2025 8:57 PM(In reply to this)
Thank you for the gratitude. My comment waas both a reflection on your comments as well as a general response to RhodyRaybo's original post.
Mainewrsl (49 )
7/13/2025 8:56 PM(In reply to this)
This is really valuable perspective, MuscChamp. Your self-worth is not determined by how many or few opponents you have. Or at least it shouldn't be.
MuscChamp (221)
7/13/2025 8:57 PM(In reply to this)
You are exactly right! I fully agree! 😊👍
wrestle46 (8)
7/14/2025 12:22 AM(In reply to this)
Totally agree.
Profan58 (2)
7/14/2025 3:17 PMGreat info and spot on! Just getting back into wrestling, finding it difficult to get matches. For the ones here that have had more time than me, y’all have heard it all. What sucks is have a hotel room reserved and they back out at the last minute. Sending messages with no response is getting tiresome. For me, I like to meet someone again if we liked our match. You learn moves and the person your with you feel comfortable. And like Bobster, I guess the age thing plays into it.
WaikikiBrawler (31)
7/14/2025 8:50 PMfor the record, the first thing my eyes see when I clicked on your profile was those pics of you ripping someone's face off then another view of you blasting some dude with a knee to the gut. ;) LOL